CRY out loud..should I?

I noticed that I'm terrible.
I have a feeling of want to cry out loud.

I found that I missed out many things in my life.
Don't know why, I just have that feeling.
This feeling makes me feel want to cry.
I want to cry not because of I'm sad but it's more to the feeling of disappointed of myself.


In one day, I feel that I lost 2F in my life.
Friendships...
I found that I don't really know about my friends.

I met a friend that I really hope to meet.
To me, we're not only friend but also (buddy)??
I guess we're not anymore.
I still can remember the last time we met was in 2010.
It was two and a half year ago.
Though, we can't chat much. The chat was few and pity.

I met my ex-classmate too and we're use to be good too last time.
Though, the chat was short and... awkward ... >"<
Why it will turn out like this???


Family...
It's my 2nd family.
It was place where I grew up.
BUT... ... ... ... ...I feel awkward.
How it turns out like that??
The most terrible thing is!!!
I can't remember how to call the person who I used to call him "papa" when I was small.
How can I be like this?
How could I...!!!
I can't forgive myself when I think of it.
It's totally.....depressed.

Can I cry??/.\??